So My wisdom teeth were removed did I say that already? I turned out to be one of the lucky ones. No swelling, very little pain, I even stopped bleeding the same day of the operation.
I was talking to my voice tutor the other day, deep stuff, as usual. She made an interesting observation. She asked if I always made people guess at what I was thinking. Sigh, I told her, I WANT to express myself, but I don't know how. I don't think in numbers or letters, or even pictures. I think in feelings, I fear. The way I think cannot be shared by sounds or sights, though I try so hard :(
Monday, July 19, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
New week! New world!
I've got a Fun brain toy today, something that came to mind a little while ago. Maybe I'll even explain it correctly(?) :P
SO. In childhood, you remember your mom telling you to "Sit in the corner!!"? Do you remember how L O N G you had to sit there? Five whole minutes!? It felt like hours! When you were finally free you would promise yourself never to end up back there again, and you buried that lighter, ensuring that you COULDN'T light the cat on fire even if you wanted to(..k maybe that last bit was just me)
How long would five minutes in the corner feel to you now?
Some Scientists believe the first years of our lives is our "Open Minded" state. A dream state where our eyes are wide and everything we see is new and educational. I submit that because our brains had constant input, we were always in the moment. And TIME TOOK FOREVER.
A minute was an hour, an hour was a WHOLE DAY, a day was a week and a week was a month.
You finally come to school age. Routine, I think, is what changes us. We went to school, saw the same things, the same people, and Most of us ignored what new things we might have learned :P
No I kid. BUT the point still remains. Over time our brains begin to dismiss things as "already analyzed". Time picked up it's pace because we stopped paying attention to it. Many of us begged it to go faster, finding that catatonic states are a form of release.
As time continues we teach ourselves to recognize things we already understand. ...Usually exaggerating a little bit here and there.
A minute becomes.. thirty seconds, an hour is only half an hour, a day doesn't feel that long.
Now, obviously this lesson is magnified to show detail. Even if we sat in a barrel for our entire life, Our brains would continue finding input to chew on om nom nom..
But as people decide they know more, we lose more.
In old age, life becomes a dream again, but in the opposite direction. Instead of learning, we are forgetting.
And a day becomes a second, a week becomes a minute, a month, an hour, a year a day.
The bible tells of Adam living for Nine Hundred years. I wonder... maybe this is because there was so much work to be done, so much to learn, so much to experience?
But of course, My previous words would only touch on eternal Life. Eternal Youth is a different story.
Stress. Anxiety and fear. Lol but I don't know enough to work on that yet.
Here's a funny picture!!
SO. In childhood, you remember your mom telling you to "Sit in the corner!!"? Do you remember how L O N G you had to sit there? Five whole minutes!? It felt like hours! When you were finally free you would promise yourself never to end up back there again, and you buried that lighter, ensuring that you COULDN'T light the cat on fire even if you wanted to(..k maybe that last bit was just me)
How long would five minutes in the corner feel to you now?
Some Scientists believe the first years of our lives is our "Open Minded" state. A dream state where our eyes are wide and everything we see is new and educational. I submit that because our brains had constant input, we were always in the moment. And TIME TOOK FOREVER.
A minute was an hour, an hour was a WHOLE DAY, a day was a week and a week was a month.
You finally come to school age. Routine, I think, is what changes us. We went to school, saw the same things, the same people, and Most of us ignored what new things we might have learned :P
No I kid. BUT the point still remains. Over time our brains begin to dismiss things as "already analyzed". Time picked up it's pace because we stopped paying attention to it. Many of us begged it to go faster, finding that catatonic states are a form of release.
As time continues we teach ourselves to recognize things we already understand. ...Usually exaggerating a little bit here and there.
A minute becomes.. thirty seconds, an hour is only half an hour, a day doesn't feel that long.
Now, obviously this lesson is magnified to show detail. Even if we sat in a barrel for our entire life, Our brains would continue finding input to chew on om nom nom..
But as people decide they know more, we lose more.
In old age, life becomes a dream again, but in the opposite direction. Instead of learning, we are forgetting.
And a day becomes a second, a week becomes a minute, a month, an hour, a year a day.
The bible tells of Adam living for Nine Hundred years. I wonder... maybe this is because there was so much work to be done, so much to learn, so much to experience?
But of course, My previous words would only touch on eternal Life. Eternal Youth is a different story.
Stress. Anxiety and fear. Lol but I don't know enough to work on that yet.
Here's a funny picture!!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
I don't need drugs, the few I take are to STOP me from being crazy
I'm gettting really sick of this LOVE stuff. I'm sure my perspectives are so totally skewed and perverted that I shouldn't even be TRYING to be close to people. What makes it worse is my misinterpretation of what people WANT.
My head says, they want THIS, and I say ok. Which might be fine, if I could zone it into one person. But no, I'm stupid.
These things make me self destructive and hysTericaL (But anti-anxiety medication keeps me alive.)
On the note of drugs, Interesting thought; through my eyes the world is already spinning. I have little worries about the everyday g4Rb1e, and I sing loudly in the streets all the time. So.. people smoke and drink and shoot... :O to feel like me! I don't need drugs, I already imagine little people and hilarious things where they don't belong. I love just existing and watching bugs live, and I Adore everyone!
But... why?
Of all things to be scared of, I'M scared that my life is too good to be true. That's Stupid.
When I stop to think is when I become weak. What am I missing? How can I make this achieved state Useful? What if I hurt someone in my stupor? Am I just like this 'cause I haven't "Grown Up?"
But maybe this is for the best. Because of this drive, I can't be happy living off what I'm given. I have to MAKE myself worth all my talents and physical things. So as long as i don't overdo it, maybe this is the only way for me not to waste away...
My head says, they want THIS, and I say ok. Which might be fine, if I could zone it into one person. But no, I'm stupid.
These things make me self destructive and hysTericaL (But anti-anxiety medication keeps me alive.)
On the note of drugs, Interesting thought; through my eyes the world is already spinning. I have little worries about the everyday g4Rb1e, and I sing loudly in the streets all the time. So.. people smoke and drink and shoot... :O to feel like me! I don't need drugs, I already imagine little people and hilarious things where they don't belong. I love just existing and watching bugs live, and I Adore everyone!
But... why?
Of all things to be scared of, I'M scared that my life is too good to be true. That's Stupid.
When I stop to think is when I become weak. What am I missing? How can I make this achieved state Useful? What if I hurt someone in my stupor? Am I just like this 'cause I haven't "Grown Up?"
But maybe this is for the best. Because of this drive, I can't be happy living off what I'm given. I have to MAKE myself worth all my talents and physical things. So as long as i don't overdo it, maybe this is the only way for me not to waste away...
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
I'm... Ditching work today.
My lack of interest in work worries me, though I suppose it's nothing strange for a bright-eyed buck like myself, Right? I'm driven, just in different directions...
There's a great conflict in me, to be and to not. I suppose everyone has this dilemma, and no, I'm not talking about suicide, not really. This struggle between actually working toward your goals, or letting yourself go. To actually LIVE, or w a s h away in the self indulgence of entertainment and free handouts.
Very Frustrating.
Have you ever dreamed about being friends with someone you barely know?
Like someone you see at work every once in a while, or talked to at school a little? I've had lots of these. Talking and laughing with people that, in real life, don't know your name, or have a history of throwing your shoes on the roof. But in my dreams, we understand each other, we're FRIENDS. I wake up and I want to cry. I want to talk to them
and
... say...
something.
But out here you're considered a creep for such attempts. And I guess I don't blame them for being suspicious, what with all the crimes we hear about. I often wonder, after a bout of suspicion of my own, how I would feel if someone I barely knew began talking to me on facebook, or texting me :/ But I always come to the conclusion that it's not a fair comparison.
Well... I'm PRETTY sure I didn't get on here to be emotional. So here's some good pictures:
And Random thing of the day(Or when I feel like it) :
I got a haircut!
There's a great conflict in me, to be and to not. I suppose everyone has this dilemma, and no, I'm not talking about suicide, not really. This struggle between actually working toward your goals, or letting yourself go. To actually LIVE, or w a s h away in the self indulgence of entertainment and free handouts.
Very Frustrating.
Have you ever dreamed about being friends with someone you barely know?
Like someone you see at work every once in a while, or talked to at school a little? I've had lots of these. Talking and laughing with people that, in real life, don't know your name, or have a history of throwing your shoes on the roof. But in my dreams, we understand each other, we're FRIENDS. I wake up and I want to cry. I want to talk to them
and
... say...
something.
But out here you're considered a creep for such attempts. And I guess I don't blame them for being suspicious, what with all the crimes we hear about. I often wonder, after a bout of suspicion of my own, how I would feel if someone I barely knew began talking to me on facebook, or texting me :/ But I always come to the conclusion that it's not a fair comparison.
Well... I'm PRETTY sure I didn't get on here to be emotional. So here's some good pictures:
And Random thing of the day(Or when I feel like it) :
I got a haircut!
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Just a few thoughts
I'm bored, and I want to put something up here, But I don't really have anything to say... So I'm going to share some thoughts written in my philosophy ... journal thing. Yeah. I have a little book where I write what I think. You should try it
Anydangway. HERE WE GO!
A man Speaking to God.
Man: If you asked me to leave my home, I would go instantly. If you asked me to jump off a bridge, if you asked me to die, I would do it honorably.
God: But my friend, I don't have that luxury of asking beforehand, for no one can hear my voice anymore.
Would you love me still if your house was taken from you? Would you still feel honor if I pushed you off a bridge?
May I Kill You?
In our life, rarely do we see even the smallest glimpse of the whole. Things happen that hurt so much, and we don't understand why God would put us through it.
If we could just understand his love.
Again and again but in different colors: Mannerisms, appearances, they're all recycled!
TV, Movies magnify them, twist them, but it's all still there
the world is a cliche' in pickle juice, still the same but slowly evolving until the flavor is unrecognizable.
Now. This new generation wants everything to to feel much more important than it needs to be.
Is it just because of the media?
The world seems to be building up to something. You can feel the tension rising in everything... Or is that just because we all want an end?
EVERY STEP CAN BE A STEP UP...
I LIKE ST JOHNS EXPLANATIONS:
In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God and the word WAS God
In him was life, and the life was the LIGHT OF MEN- The light WHICH IS IN MEN. Our consciousness, Our ability to rise above animalistic instinct.
And the light shineth in the darkness, and the darkness comprehendeth it not.
Moses taught humans how to be at peace. Jesus is trying to teach us how to be REAL. A higher law that only those with consciousness can follow.
I only race against the people I used to be
Stop coming to me
and I will stop searching for you.
I have let you down so often
and I know if you TOUCH me
I'll hurt you again
I don't want to be alone
O' GOD I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE
but I can't stand the way I destroy
and regardless of how much I love you
I will kill you
WHY CAN'T I DO THIS?!
The youth are not just watching the media, they are watching YOU
If you fail to provide a good- or any kind of- example, they will look where they can
If reverence is love, so is the teaching of it
EXEMPLAR
EXEMPLAR
PAY ATTENTION!
there are good lessons to be learned from the past
It's ok to disagree, but don't be disagreeable!
Why is it that Humans are always trying to literally climb higher?
We seem to think the farther we get from the earth, the less it matters to us.
Looking down at all the movement and towers, all the pain and worries that occur down there seem inconsequential. It's as though we're suddenly cleansed of it all.
It is a power. It's that Freedom that everyone searches for at one time or another. Drugs, Freerunning, flying, greed, it's all the same effort to feel disconnected. Untouchable
But no matter how high we go. We will always have to land.
Hey, the church really is true. Like, seriously.
Ummm.... I'm done.
Anydangway. HERE WE GO!
A man Speaking to God.
Man: If you asked me to leave my home, I would go instantly. If you asked me to jump off a bridge, if you asked me to die, I would do it honorably.
God: But my friend, I don't have that luxury of asking beforehand, for no one can hear my voice anymore.
Would you love me still if your house was taken from you? Would you still feel honor if I pushed you off a bridge?
May I Kill You?
In our life, rarely do we see even the smallest glimpse of the whole. Things happen that hurt so much, and we don't understand why God would put us through it.
If we could just understand his love.
Again and again but in different colors: Mannerisms, appearances, they're all recycled!
TV, Movies magnify them, twist them, but it's all still there
the world is a cliche' in pickle juice, still the same but slowly evolving until the flavor is unrecognizable.
Now. This new generation wants everything to to feel much more important than it needs to be.
Is it just because of the media?
The world seems to be building up to something. You can feel the tension rising in everything... Or is that just because we all want an end?
EVERY STEP CAN BE A STEP UP...
I LIKE ST JOHNS EXPLANATIONS:
In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God and the word WAS God
In him was life, and the life was the LIGHT OF MEN- The light WHICH IS IN MEN. Our consciousness, Our ability to rise above animalistic instinct.
And the light shineth in the darkness, and the darkness comprehendeth it not.
Moses taught humans how to be at peace. Jesus is trying to teach us how to be REAL. A higher law that only those with consciousness can follow.
I only race against the people I used to be
Stop coming to me
and I will stop searching for you.
I have let you down so often
and I know if you TOUCH me
I'll hurt you again
I don't want to be alone
O' GOD I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE
but I can't stand the way I destroy
and regardless of how much I love you
I will kill you
WHY CAN'T I DO THIS?!
The youth are not just watching the media, they are watching YOU
If you fail to provide a good- or any kind of- example, they will look where they can
If reverence is love, so is the teaching of it
EXEMPLAR
EXEMPLAR
PAY ATTENTION!
there are good lessons to be learned from the past
It's ok to disagree, but don't be disagreeable!
Why is it that Humans are always trying to literally climb higher?
We seem to think the farther we get from the earth, the less it matters to us.
Looking down at all the movement and towers, all the pain and worries that occur down there seem inconsequential. It's as though we're suddenly cleansed of it all.
It is a power. It's that Freedom that everyone searches for at one time or another. Drugs, Freerunning, flying, greed, it's all the same effort to feel disconnected. Untouchable
But no matter how high we go. We will always have to land.
Hey, the church really is true. Like, seriously.
Ummm.... I'm done.
Friday, July 2, 2010
That's what you get when I stay up too late
It's pathetic that eleven is late for me now. All my friends make fun of me :P not vocally, but I can see it in their eyes.
If a servant diligently guards his master's sheep every single day of his life, resting only a single day, but that ONE day is the SINGLE day the predators attacked, Is he worth anything?
Just wondering.
Well, next week was going to be my last day working at the assembly line- BUT it turns out they love me, and want me to stay... So I'm thinking of just switching to part time. It would be nice to keep my income, and (save the location) there's really no where else better for me right now.
And I really like these people.
Oh, and I got pulled over this morning. The cop saw that my car hadn't passed safety inspection for over five months. Poop. Let's talk about my car:
My Beautiful Previa is nearly nineteen years old. We've taken her from Utah to Cali to Canada, and I'm pretty sure when we moved from South Carolina, we drove. I have driven it THROUGH a telephone pole, my brother rear-ended a guy on the Freeway, and right now, it's not passing safety because
THE STUPID EMERGENCY BRAKE IS WEAK!! Of all things. Blah.
Anyway. Lol the cop was one of those "Get 'er DUN" kinda guys, but he was nice enough. He ended up just giving me a fix-it ticket, instead of impounding my vehicle like he's "Spose' TUE" No. I do not mean to mock him. He was a good guy.
I should be dead like, thirty seven times over. And I only got a fix-it ticket.
THE CHURCH IS SO TRUE.
PICTURE TIME!!
My dream bike:
Awesome comic
And... I don't know what's up with this one.
AAAANNND Random Thing of the day!
Nikolai Tesla was Crazy awesome!! Back in the day he and Thomas Eddison were competing scientists. He was the inventor of the Tesla coil, which can transfer ENERGY through OPEN AIR!! .. he never perfected it though, as far as we know (I expect foul play O.O). Oh! He also discovered the frequency of the EARTH and accidentally leveled his city block with an Oscillator!! So. cool.
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