STUFF AND STUFF AND STUFF

I really wish I could express myself correctly. There is so much to say, but... it doesn't come out!!

I form relationships with the people around me when I'm out driving. I make up personalities for them, I'm hurt when they cut me off and I miss them when they fall behind. I've also become very racist against trucks. The big, shiny ones that silently hint that they're compensating for something. Don't get me wrong, I am relieved whenever my assumptions are wrong about them, but ... I'm usually right. I am constantly cut off, tail gated, and whatever else you can have happen to you that's borderline illegal by trucks. Frustrating.

But I try not to care.

Stuff. Blah. It's everywhere.


It's sticky like..like... Ew. It's everywhere. Uck, it's even on me.. But not as much? Oh crap. There goes my ego again. Hey! Let's talk about my Ego.

People tell me I'm awesome. They say "Cody, you're really awesome, you know that?" and I say..."yeah" cause... people say that a lot to me. SO WHY DON'T I FEEL GOOD?!!!!!? This whole humility dilemma. I am humble(?), and In my attempts at being humble and helpful, people tell me they appreciate it. But... am I just taking them too seriously? I don't want to be Proud of my humility? lol does that work? AND I'm so lucky!! things just WORK OUT for me. What if It's all just building up to a monstrous disaster? What if All this praise and luck gets to my head, and I miss something really important? Or lose something important? I want to see what's REALLY there. I want to UNDERSTAND. But what if all this is actually ruining me? :(

Anyway, I was talking about Stuff. Everyone has some. Some people are COVERED in it. it get's in their eyes and ears, causing hallucinations and mild hearing loss. It eats away "common" sense and stresses them out. Makes people t i r e d, and it's like no one knows how to get it off.


But I've felt the cure. It's like a heroine shot in your heart. A Tumor of power expanding until it fills your blood with light Not bud light :P and all the Stuff melts away. I don't know why, but I feel it! It's HUGE! I want to culture it until I'm consumed and contagious. But I don't know how to share it...

Lol Tumor.

I want to be connected to you humans. I want to share your joy and lift you up when you're down. I want to see you grow and be there when you succeed. :( but there's not enough of me.

Someday, I'll figure it all out.